Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
