If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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