Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
