she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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