Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
