went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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