It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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