Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
