You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
40s are totally the cure
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
