Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
