at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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