weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
