That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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