google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
