i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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