I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
