I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
