is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we're so committed to being not committed
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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