Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
