Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
