Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
