took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
