WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
