i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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