woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
