You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
