in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
