i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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