The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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