i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
