Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
