Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
