A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
