I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
