a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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