She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
