My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
