Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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