I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
