Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
