i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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