Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
