Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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