You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
