Cold hands, warm shart.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
