Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
