Moan for me like Helen Keller
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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