We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
