I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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