This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
